Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
