Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
