Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
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