Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
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