dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
only you would photoshop your dick
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
