you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
