New invention idea: vibrating tampons
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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