You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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