So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
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