Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize