Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
