How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
