so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
