Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
