I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
