just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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