I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
