What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
A bitchslap is in order.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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