why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
