i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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