Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Randomize
