I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
