I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
either way he was missing a nipple.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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