my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Randomize
