well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Randomize
