Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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