Im at strip club and am horny
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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