Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
