Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I am available for nakedness
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
