dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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