OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
no you cant smoke seaweed
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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