I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
