If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
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His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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