I just cut my nipple shaving
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Randomize
