Just cropdusted the office
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
