Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
