i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
