I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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