last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
