the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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