He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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