One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
