Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
