best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
We are two peas in an std pod
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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