this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Randomize
