sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
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