Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
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