dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
