Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
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