you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
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