this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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