i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
