I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
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