Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
