I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
The best revenge is premature balding
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
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