Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
