In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
