It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
is that a dick in a sweater?
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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