Sry I called you an 8
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Randomize
