Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Randomize
