My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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