xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
