happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
