dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
