May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
