I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
