i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
