I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
