my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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