i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Randomize
