Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
