if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
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