He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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