If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I showed him my bush... on skype.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize