This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
