He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
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